A Very Special Guest Blog.

My close friend Brooke is a huge Crimson Tide fan, and actually graduated from the University of Alabama. Today Garnet is the New Blog brings you her thoughts on the Mike Shula firing. Enjoy!

A Letter to Alabama Alumni

Dear Stupid Retards of the Board of Trustees Who Control Alabama Football, Mal Moore, the All-Important Persons of the Athletic Decision-Making Team, and president Robert Witt,

You are stupid. You have made the worst decision since secretly ousting Gene Stallings (yeah, some of us know about that one).

As you sit there, congratulating yourself of "Bettering the Program", let me point out some things to you.

1) You fired a coach with a winning record.
2) You fired a coach before the bowl game he won you - that ought to make them play harder! Come on, that's something that Florida does. Way to go. One step closer to being in the Swamp.
3) You fired a coach that never had a chance of success because of a bunch of other fuck-tard coaches you hired:

Mike DuBose - we couldn't spell Probation without him.
Dennis Franchione - bailed; snuck out like a thief in the night. Awesome Character, that one. Kinda reminds me of you.
Mike Price - ohhhh yeah. Great guy. Loved the booze and women so much he couldn't even start the season with us.
Mike Shula - Alabama quarterback. Quiet family guy. Charismatic. Had no scholarships to recruit with and still managed to take us to bowl games, and finish us in the top ten last year. We get our scholarships back next year. If some coach comes in and leads us to victory, we all know he's playing with Shula's team.

You want wins now. It can't happen. Especially with a program so screwed up as ours. No stability. And then you give us a glimmer of hope by hiring a decent guy. You didn't give him the time.

So what we lost to Auburn and LSU. So what if we lost to Mississippi. We gained a coach worthy of respect. And you want to get rid of those casting a good name on Alabama Football. What? You pissed off we went 5 years without more trouble? Without more probation? What do you want us to be, Miami?

So, in conclusion, this Alabama alumna is highly irritated by your lack of brain power and diagnostics. I am sorry to see you all so controlled by the money the rich Alumni paid you to fire him. Money may talk, but without the support and respect from the students that keep your doors open, and the real reason we have Alabama football, what do you have?

Sleep tight, in that bed of money. Karma's a real bitch, Alabama.

To Mike Shula - I apologize for the lack of faith. I was happy to have to aboard and would have given you another 2 years at least. As long as you beat Tennessee by then.

Thanks, Brooke! Not only are you a true football fan, but you're also quite the hottie. Interested parties can buy Brooke's bikini calendar at:

http://floridabeachmagazine.com/index.php?option=com_virtuemart&page=shop.browse&category_id=8&Itemid=39&vmcchk=1

Insert the coupon code BH20 for a discount!

Thoughts or comments, folks?

Patience, me boyo

The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine. He had just broken up with his recent girl friend, and of course he was bummed. I had to tell him my story, and I'll re-tell it here. Maybe somebody will see it and it will make a difference to them.

In college, I was dating this girl I thought was the greatest. We did everything together. She was a beautiful girl. Way too pretty for me, I sometimes thought. She was smart, and she had a personality and smile that could brighten even the darkest room. I thought everything was great. However, the one problem I was worried about reared its ugly head.

You see, this girl was a little older than me, and when she graduated, she moved to her job. The problem was that I was working also. Well, as many stories like this go, the time apart, the lack of quality time (even when we were together), and conflicting schedules got in the way. Eventually, feelings faded and the realtionship was over. I was hurt, but brighter days were ahead.

Just a couple months later, I went to an accounting class and this pretty, petite blonde walked in. Something about her struck me from the very beginning. Finally, I got up the nerve to ask her out. When we went out, it was like I had known her my whole life. Everything was easy, and being with her made me forget all about everything in the past. Then, one day out of the blue it happened. She didn't come to class, and I found a note on my windshield. Turns out, she was starting to have feelings for me, and it scared her to death. She broke up with me, and it broke my heart. I thought she was the one.

From there, I languished in a few, brief, bad relationships. That is, until one day THREE YEARS LATER, I came home from work to find a message that the girl from my accounting classes that broke my heart had called me and wanted me to call her back. I remember that we talked for almost 3 hours that night. We went out a few days later. Today, we have been married for 7 years, and have a littleboy.

I guess the moral of the story is...don't give up. If the relationship with my previous girl friend had not ended when it did, I would never have met the woman who would be my wife. In the Book of Life, when something ends, turn the page. The story may just be getting good.

Ask her....

I've heard it many times, things like, "I don't know what to say," or "I don't how to ask her out." Asking a girl out for the first date can be the most nerve-racking thing that a man ever does, even (and maybe especially) if that girl and he have been friends for quite a while.

Rule 1 guys. Be yourself. Have that in your mind before you say the first word, give the first glance, before you do anything. Why do I say that? Because women are experts in sniffing it out if you're full of it. It might not be today. It might not be tomorrow, but if you are being fake they will find out, and they probably won't like it.

Next thing: The "lines" are generally stupid, cheesy, and yes the girl has probably heard it before. Just walking up and saying hi will probably get you a lot farther than some intro line everybody thought was cool in 8th grade.

OK, now that's done, so here are a couple more tips to get her on a date.
- Show her your sense of humor. A women loves a man that can make her laugh.
- Give off an air of confidence without being cocky. It just shows you feel good about yourself.
- Look her in the eye when you are talking (well, without being creepy). I mean talking in a low voice and staring at your glass or the table won't score many points.

That's the basics. Don't get discouraged if you think some girl is out of your league before even talking to her. You never know. I mean, I'm not the studliest guy in the world by any means, but I did get dinner with a couple of girls that I thought were way out of my league (before I met my wife of course). How? I got them laughing, and then I ASKED.

That's the big thing fellows. ASK. All it has to be is "I've enjoyed talking with you. Could I have your number (or could we have dinner sometime)?" I say "all", but once you're in the flow of a conversation, it can come easily.

Just start the conversation, and let it go from there. And guys, if you say you are going to call somebody, call them. There is no 2-3 day rule or anything. Just call the girl if you say you will.

Dancing...on ESPN??

Well, first let me say something about Jeff Bowden's leaving. Thank God. It's about time. The only thing that concerned me is how Bobby was still trying to talk Jeff out of leaving. Honestly though, by the tone of the press conference that it seemed to be almost a "resign or be fired" kind of deal. Who cares though. The important thing is that he is gone.

On to the topic at hand. As some know, Emmitt Smith and his lovely partner Cheryl Burke won Dancing with the Stars last night. In my personal opinion, Mario was the better dancer throughout. Should Mario have won? If it was a true test of dance technique, etc. then yes he probably should have. However, this is and has been a popularity contest, and Emmitt had a cable TV network in his corner.

Now don't get me wrong - Emmitt and Cheryl were good. Emmitt really is a good guy (even though he's a Gator), and I admit I have a crush on Cheryl Burke. However, I have to wonder if ESPN's profiling of Emmitt being up for the finals of the show had an effect on the final vote tally.

Sorry, but I think Mario Lopez and Katarina deserved the trophy more based on their dance floor performance. Even though the audience + judges scoring method has worked in the past, I think ABC needs to do some tweaking.

Hallelujah!

Christmas came early this year, with news of Jeff Bowden's resignation from the OC position at FSU. Sweet mercy, only two more games with Jeff at the helm...::sigh::

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2661718

So the real question is...would Chris Hatcher fit in well with the trickeration offense of Bobby Bowden?

And what about Coach Dickey? Both Lee and Weatherford are struggling at QB - it almost makes me wonder if Chris Rix was underestimated while QB at Florida State. Almost.

In completely unrelated news, why do I get the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop for the Bears and the Colts?

I hear ya, Robbie.

I'm grateful that I was on vacation this weekend in Colorado. After a very chilly afternoon spent at Falcon Stadium watching Notre Dame dismantle Air Force's defense, we opted to go out to dinner in Manitou Springs on Saturday night, thereby ensuring that I would miss both the Wake-FSU game and the K-State-Texas game.

When we returned to Colorado Springs, I immediately fired up my laptop to check the night's scores...I blanched and visibly paled (so says my dad) when I saw that Wake shut us out. I was elated that K-State upset the Longhorns in Manhattan, and immediately called my boyfriend to share in the celebration (he's a proud Kansas State alum). Honestly, had I not been in such a good mood from being back in my native state, I would have been cursing and throwing things, too.

Has Bobby Bowden done wondrous things for the Florida State football program? Absolutely. I mean, really. That's just obvious.

Has he earned the right to end his career as he chooses? Probably. That said, there should be stipulations, and nepotism should not be included. Nor should extortion.

For a man who has demonstrated such class throughout his life, I'm pretty saddened that he confuses protecting his family with his professional and contractual obligations to his employer. For the first time since I was a very little girl, FSU is not bowl eligible - and that's hard to swallow after watching my alma mater play in three MNC games while I was an undergrad.

Damn.

Seminole football - SOS!

I could start his bashing and cursing. That was me Saturday night. For the first time in Bobby Bowden's Tenure, the Seminoles were shut out at home. Unbelievable. I never thought I would see the day that the ineptness that I saw on Saturday night would pass for FSU football.

The coaches preached about how they would have to get Xavier Lee into the game early. Looking back, the offensive coordinators did NOTHING to help get X Lee into a rhythm. Run, run, pass 20 yards doesn't help a QB out. Also, Wake Forest was blitzing every play. Did the coaches adjust to try to run away from it? Nope. Any short routes or hot routes? Nope. In other words, nothing to help an offense to get on track.

Then they benched X Lee in favor of Drew Weathorford. Yes, I understand why they did it. Any fool can see why. I even had hope that Drew could spark the offense. With the same gameplan, and no help from above Drew also floundered. He was also sacked at least 4 times because he couldn't get away from the pursuit.

Everybody knows where the problem lies on offense. It's been painfully obvious for the better part of 6 seasons. I was a Papa Bowden apologist, but I am tired of seeing him act so arrogant on TV interviews. I am tired of his blindly defending Jeff. I am tired of seeing him act like nothing is wrong and the country has just caught up.

What has happened is Bobby Bowden circumvented Florida's nepotism laws to hire Jeff, and now he will not fire Jeff, nor will he allow the talk of Jeff's firing without threats that Bobby himself will leave the program. Also, you have a president and athletic director that neither one wants to be the one to take on Bobby about his coaches.

And therein lies the problem. The man thinks he is above the program, above the school. We have higher ups at the university that feed that thought.

All said, let's hope the rumors are true. Those rumors that say the winds of change will blow through Tallahassee. Most Nole fans want those winds to be Typhoon strength. Unfortunately, all we may get is a summer breeze.

Thank God it's over...

Finally! Election season is over for yet another couple years. You know, as I have gotten older, I have noticed a couple of disturbing trends in the way we elect people. Don't get me wrong, pick who you want, how you want. It's your right.

Most people today seem to vote by party line. If you're a Democrat, you vote for Democrats, same thing for Republicans. However, I wonder how many people are totally informed on what the candidate's platform is that they're voting for. I think there is actually a good number of people that blindly vote for a party because that's what some influencing person does - be it a parental figure, pastor, group leader, etc. How many of those people even know what the candidate stands for, or even for that matter what the Party's platform is that they are voting for. Couple of bucks say that they have no clue.

Which brings me to a second point. With campaign ads run the way that they are run now a days, how can you really tell who stands for what? I mean, you can hear any supposedly bad thing you want about a candidate if you choose to truly believe what the ads say. However, do the ads tell the whole story? Heck no. They take snippets of bills and quotes to make the other guy look as bad as possible. However, if a guy didn't vote for a bill, ask yourself - why didn't he vote for it? Now, it seems every congressman tries to slide some pork belly rider onto the back end of a bill that needs to be passed that may be the exact cause of a voting decision. So, most of the time, it's not about the bill itself. Look into it.
Again back to the ads themselves. Just look at the ads themselves. Most are sensationalist and way over the top. However, do any of them really give any insight to how the candidate feels about the issues at hand? For 99% of the ads, the answer is no. I am beginning to be convinced that this year, we could have had a true Communist run (and get lots of votes), and just sling mud wih the best of 'em for a political ad, and nobody would be the wiser. ....OH WAIT, that happened in the northeast.

Anyway, right now I am convinced our political system is broken. I would love to see politicians be forced to deal with issues on a campaign trail, instead of mudslinging. I would love to see politicians who did what is best for their constituents, instead of whichever special interest has the deepest pockets. And I would love to see a legislative body that voted in a way that was best for the country, instead of a way that best suits some Party's or PAC's agenda. Pipe dream, I know, but wouldn't it be great?

The Inner Dumbass

I'm pretty sure, Robbie, that the reason most people act like dumbasses on game shows and reality TV shows is akin to the same reason TV crews ALWAYS manage to find That Woman in the wake of a disaster. You know the one...curlers in her hair, baby on her hip, standing outside a ruined trailer in the wake of a tornado, with a cigarette dangling precariously from her lips as she grunts answers to the overly coiffed made-up reporter in her candy-colored suit and Texas prom queen hair that could withstand nuclear fallout.

What is the reason? Ratings. America loves trainwrecks, but even more than that, we like a reminder that someone else is trashier than us. It's why most people watch Dr. Phil and Deal or No Deal. I mean, let's be real - Jerry Springer fans don't watch the theatrics and fireworks to relate to the guests on the show.

We watch purely BECAUSE it makes us feel better about ourselves and our mundane little lives. It allows us to get in tough with our inner dumbass without having to actually cheat on our baby daddy with a neonazi who has a child by his cousin. It's the very nature of the breathlessness of vicarious TV viewing.

What I'm wondering, though, is if Bob Barker will take those blondes with him into the sunset?

COME ON DOWN!

Ever since I can remember, those words echoed from Rod Roddy at about 11:00 am. An era of "The Price is Right" passed when Rod did, but now comes what may be the death blow for America's favorite game show. Bob Barker is retiring this coming June.

Call it sappy, but I still remember spending summers at my Grandma's house, drinking a milkshake and sitting down to watch at least part of "The Price is Right". Yeah, milkshakes at 11:00 am. It was "Grandma's House Priviledge". Anyway, the "Price" music was loud, the lights were bright, and the games were kinda cheesy. OK, so they are really pretty cheesy, but in that 70's TV nostalgia kind of way. But you know, this game show still kinda brings out a good memory or 3 every time I see it.

What I always loved to watch were the contestants. Some days it seemed like the worst trailer park from the bowels of the Southeast somewhere sent their rejects to look like a bunch of idiots on national TV. As part of that, my cousin and I came up with the "contestant correlation". The more "hefty" that a contestant was, the more likely they were to get excited and jump poor ol' Bob. Just watch next time - you'll see.

Question is, though.....what is it about being on a TV game show (or on TV period for that matter) that tends to bring out the inner dumbass? DISCUSS, people. Discuss.

Have fun in retirement, Bob. And remember to keep your pets spayed and neutered.

I'm still wary...

Yeah, so we shut out the Cavs on Saturday.

Yeah, X. Lee had a great second half, and we actually ran and passed the ball. But we're not there yet.

I get the sense that UVA faces a similar quandary - an unqualified son coaching as the offensive coordinator - Mike Groh and Jeff Bowden aren't so different. Two competitive programs with high-speed offenses (remember, folks, UVA handed us our first ACC loss back in the day) have been effectively emasculated.

Did Lee bring a spark to the offense? Absolutely. But his post-game interview with Tom Block from SUN Sports was telling - he commented that his teammates were high-fiving, rather than fighting, in the locker room after the 'Noles embarrassed the Cavaliers. That concerns me - because it implies that the team has been disjointed and lacking cohesion.

Remember the last time this happened? Yep, the AD versus Rix days in the not-so-distant past...and that didn't end well, either. A spark does not a fire make.

So while I'm hopeful, like Robbie, I'm still very apprehensive. We still have to play Wake Forest (who upset BC on Saturday, leaving Matt Ryan lying on his back, gazing dejectedly at the night sky) and Florida - and we have to beat one of them to even be BOWL ELIGIBLE this season.

(That's just a horrifying thought.)

That said - some fun notes from the weekend:

• Can you believe that Miss. State brutalized Bama? Dayamn...
• Kentucky over Georgia? Holy crap!
• GO AIR FORCE! BEAT ARMY!
• UF, Michigan State and Ohio State all looked lackluster this weekend. West Virginia is out of contention now, too, thanks to their loss to Louisville.
• And why is Justin Timberlake...I mean, Kyle Wright...still UM's starter?

On the NFL side of things...

• Buh-bye, Chicago.
• GEAUX SAINTS!
• And did you see Peyton Manning's incredibly classy comments after the Colts beat the Pats last night? When compared to Johnny Unitas, he very humbly said that he could never compare, but was proud to wear the same jersey - and then turned the topic to his teammates, such as Marvin Harrison.

On a completely random, yet funny, Monday note...I have discovered one of my new favorite blogs...http://www.withleather.com/

This particular gem is my favorite post thus far:

http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=1511

Hope springs anew.....

Well, it's Friday again. You know, there was a time when it was the Friday before a Seminole football Saturday, and I would be excited. I would be ready to go and watch the guys take apart another team. But alas, that feeling began to fade in about 2001.

This year, the Noles have not played up to potential and have the worst record...well, since I was born. Is it coaching? On the defensive side, I don't think. Mickey Andrews, Kevin Steele, and Odell Haggins always seem to have a decent defensive game plan ready. The problem with the defense is that injuries have devastated that side of the ball. Special teams play has hurt also, because you just don't want to send some of your better defenders out there to the controlled chaos that is kickoff and punt coverage.

Now then, the offense. What can you say? Is the coaching bringing us down? Quite possibly. Let's face it, Jeff hasn't exactly won over a lot of fans during his tenure at OC. His game plans have seemed very repetitive, and often too conservative. However, the past couple of games, the offense has looked a little better.

Is it personnel? I think our offensive line has a good mix of guys up front. Are they as dominating as in years past? No, but when a defense can get tipped off by knowing what plays are probably coming next, it makes life hard on the OL. At running back, you have Antone Smith. The kid is the real deal. He has looked good hitting the hole hard, and running pretty hard after contact. Then there's Booker - the dancer. Talk about an OL's worst nightmare. Don't get me wrong, when Book's out in space, he's really good. Running through the line, he dances WAY too much.

On to the QB. Granted we lost against UMd last Saturday, but I will have to say this - the Noles offense seemed to flow better with X Lee at the helm. His controlled mobility seemed to help the offensive line a little, and it seemed to open the running game up a little because now the defense had a new threat to worry about. Also, I felt a little something that I hadn't felt in a while with Seminole football. HOPE. Somehow, at the end of the game you just had a feeling that Lee was going to get us in position to win. Hopefully, that feeling continues this Saturday against UVA.

Ah, yes...

I learned that very lesson firsthand, Robbie.

If someone or something appears to be too good to be true, it's important to pay attention to that prickly gut feeling - whether it's awareness that your past cynicism is about to be completely razed by someone who IS genuinely good or you get weird Hannibal Lechter vibes from someone.

I once dated someone who lied about everything. On the surface, at first, he seemed amazing - he was smart, decently attractive, funny, and successful. He seemed confident and happy with himself, his career and the relationships in his life. Fast-forward a few years - this guy's life was a house of cards. He lied about his finances, his job, his personal relationships - everything. I learned the hard way, and it broke my heart. That reinforced the lesson that what appears spectacular and compatible on the surface isn't always the case.

It really upsets me when people hide behind a facade like that - what have they got to hide? Sure, I can understand it when someone is painfully shy and uncomfortable with public scrutiny. But I have to figure that in cases where people create elaborate lies to impress others, there is something seriously lacking in their character and in their lives - specifically, strength and self-awareness.

It's just a fact - whether they're from Philadelphia...or New Orleans.